The Guild Fanucci

Memo to the Mayor of Detroit
© 2005 George Reed

To: The Honorable Kwame Kilpatrick, Mayor of Detroit, Michigan
from: Moi.

Dear Mr. Mayor.

I trust this missive find you in good health, the wheels of corrupt–erm–business rolling smoothly, and the fine art of murder still on the decrease from last year.

I do, however have the tiniest little bone to pick with you.

I lived in your city–or damned near to it–from 1997-2003.

In that time I tolerated–albiet not always gracefully–high taxes, low services, numerous felonies committed against or on my property, horrific road conditions, no organized snow removal to speak of, and to make matters worse, completely pathetic professional sports venues. Yes, the Red Wings took a few Stanley Cups, but that’s all Scotty Bowman’s doing not yours.

So I move out of Detroit to warmer climes and gentler neighborhoods, and what happens? Crime goes down, services go up, The Pistons win a world title, the Tigers find first base, and the Lions win on the road.

WTF, over?

I demand immediate repayment of $12,962,47 in taxes paid to the city during my tenure there. And a frosty beverage. Delivered by a lovely young lady. Now.

PS. Whats with the name…Kwame?! I mean, really…I’m just sayin..

Warmest possible regards,

Moi